June 6, 2023  •  8min read

Maintain Friendships and Strengthen Your Emotional Connection after Marriage

emotional connection after marriage

Friendships aren’t optional in marriage; it’s the key to a long-term marriage. The Gottman institute revealed that excellent friendship is greatly correlated with high marital satisfaction and that “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.” therefore, to have a long-lasting and happy life after marriage, you and your partners need to maintain your friendship. 

If you and your partner are great at working through all the obstacles faced throughout your lives, without the depth of friendship, it will only feel like work without enjoyment. However, if you’ve learned to nurture your friendship and prioritize it, you’ll have the resources to face the struggles together. 

Your marriage life will thrive if you make friendship your priority. Friendship amplifies emotional connection in any marriage. Several elements make a strong emotional connection in marriage:

Shared Experiences and Interests

When working with someone, or working with the same fellowship at the church, or if there’s an event you’re both attending, you’re sharing the same interests and experiences. It’s usually where romance starts, as there’s that point of being at the right place at the right time. 

Also, as the early stages of romance involve getting to know what the other person enjoys and what they value, it’s natural to look for things that you both enjoy doing. Doing these things together will give you time to talk and some activities will rise up as favorites for you both. 

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Indeed, you can’t expect a sports enthusiast to be interested in gardening, or if your partner loves the outdoors to constantly be on the couch. But you can explore your differences and explore the things you both love most. Do you share many interests with your spouse?

Shared Commitment

Even genuine friendships won’t be immune to conflicts, they just don’t walk away when things get hard. In a healthy marriage, spouses should be deeply committed to the relationship and be ready to face any challenges. 

They know that the relationship is worth a lot more than just the momentary feelings and will do what it takes to resolve those issues. They know that the issue is the enemy, not each other. Even though it can get frustrating, couples should concentrate on the issue and work together on it instead of letting them come between them. 

Shared Investment

Philippians 2:3-4 stated “Do not pay attention to your selfish ambition, but in focus on others who are more superior than yourselves.” Each of you should look on only to your own interests, But also to others’ interests.” 

If couples focus on meeting their own needs in a relationship, it means that they are investing in themselves instead of their spouse. This soon turns into a “taking” relationship instead of a “giving” one.

If you focus on the well-being and growth of your spouse instead of making yourself the top priority, you’ll have a continual desire to see them thrive. Therefore, investing in each other will become the trigger of a long-lasting relationship in marriage and a true emotional connection. 

Strengthen Your Friendship in Marriage

A strong and friendship-filled marriage doesn’t just happen naturally, but it happens by design. Imagine getting a new car with that nice new vehicle smell. As time passes, the car will pick up odors from spilled drinks and sweat from the back seat. Indeed, it will still drive well, but it isn’t the same anymore. This can happen with our marriages as well. We need to clean up the messes to enjoy the long road of the relationship.

Here are 5 simple ways to invest in your friendship and strengthen your emotional connection in marriage:

  • Don’t stop dating – and if you have, start over again. Talk about the fun stuff you did in the early years and find a way to do similar things again.
  • Schedule time with each other. It’s easy for life’s urgencies to crowd your friendship, so it’s important to schedule time with each other. You should take these schedules seriously, just like in an important meeting with your client or boss.
  • Listen deeply. When your partner speaks, don’t be scrolling on the phone, turn off the TV and give them all your attention. As questions, explore their thoughts, and tell them to “tell you more.”
  • Dream together. Talk about your feelings about the future and share them without criticizing them. You aren’t looking for instant solutions or changes. You’re only reminding each other that you support each other. 
  • Celebrate your partner’s success and be there for them when they struggle. That’s another way of saying, “I’ve got your back.” It’s what best friends do for each other and it’s even more important to do it for your spouse.

Friendship is a Priority

The common myth about marriage is that the longer you’ve been married, the more work and less fun it will be. This refers to the first few years of marriage when friendship is strongest. Over time, you simply won’t have the energy and time for that kind of connection. 

However, marriage doesn’t have to end up that way. A strong friendship and emotional connection in marriage is a choice made by couples committed to a long-term relationship that requires action. According to the law of thermodynamics, when something is in motion, it slows down unless someone keeps pushing it. If we don’t keep our friendship going, it will eventually lose momentum and disappear over time, and all parts of the relationship will wither. 

A quote from a German poet states, “Things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least.” The longer you’ve been married, the more things will make their way into your schedule, pushing your spouse out of it. They might be great things with value, but if they interfere with the friendship with your spouse, then it’s time to review the options.

Friendship is crucial in building a successful long-term marriage and a strong emotional connection with your partner. Make it a priority and pursue it unconditionally!

Guntur author at Bali Wedding
Guntur has been writing tips and tricks for weddings in Bali since 2020. He has written everything from preparing a pre-wedding in Bali to the best wedding dress and makeup you should choose for a wedding in paradise.

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